ESTABLISHING SHOT -- CHINESE RESTAURANT -- EVENING A large peaked roofed building is inlaid with red and gold. Detailed carvings ribbon the wooden facade. Large stone Imperial Guardian Lions stand on either side of the walkway into the building. Out front is a tall, round storefront sign. On it is the restaurant proprietor himself, inviting diners in with his Fu Manchu moustache and poofy fro. Chinese letters encircle his grinning face, translated in a Shanghai font. Don Cho's Orange Chicken and Waffles! INT. DON CHO'S ORANGE CHICKEN AND WAFFLES -- EVENING The clinking of glasses intermingle with a soothing Chinese melody. The smells of exotic foods fill the air. The tall room steps downward into a large open space in the center, where a bubbling fountain feeds an indoor pond full of koi fish. A large pavilion chandelier hangs above the fountain, and along the outer walls, where the tall room is broken up by balconies, hanging lanterns put out softer light. Guo Hua paintings hang on walls. The booths that line the walls are separated by rosewood screens, made all the more beautiful by the fine latticework. A small pot of bamboo plant is the centerpiece at each table. Curvy black women serve their customers hot tea, drifting across the restaurant in silk Cheongsam dresses. MC Chalkskin enjoys a bountiful meal in a plush booth, three beautiful Asain women pressed up against him as he dines, giggling and covering their faces shyly as they do. ASIAN GIRL #1 Oh, Chalkskin-san. His cellphone rings. MC CHALKSKIN Excuse me real quick, ladies. (Answering his phone.) Hello? OPERATOR (On Personal Phone - O.P.P.) Will you accept a collect call from Sheepdog David Grant? MC CHALKSKIN (Under his breath.) I hate this guy. (More professionally.) Yes, I shall. The girls protest their man being torn away from them by a phone call. SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) Mr. Chalkskin! MC CHALKSKIN Sheepdoggy Dog! What it is? SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) Listen, we’ve gotta talk. Are you sitting down? MC CHALKSKIN Yeah, I’m sitting down to dinner with three hot Asain chicks, dawg. We’re at my favorite buffet. MC CHALKSKIN & THE HOT ASAIN CHICKS Don Cho’s Orange Chicken and Waffles! SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) I’m sorry to interrupt, but this is really important. ASAIN CHICK #1 (Putting her tiny hand inside the MC’s sweatsedo.) Come on, baby. MC CHALKSKIN (Sighing deeply.) What is it, man? SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) You’re out of money. (Dramatically.) Again. MC CHALKSKIN ‘Ite. So how bad this time? SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) Well, that depends. How bad would selling your house be? MC CHALKSKIN What’s the alternative? SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) We make some money. Lots of it. Fast. MC CHALKSKIN ‘Ite, man. This is easy. Just call Michael Bay back about “Alien Police 2.” SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) No, we need it faster than that. MC CHALKSKIN We could always do another Meat Clown commercial. SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) (Shocked and disturbed.) We need more money than that! MC CHALKSKIN An album? The girls seem pleased with this new venture. SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yes, let’s do that. But not like last time. MC CHALKSKIN What do you mean “not like last time?” SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) (Frustrated.) It can’t be like “Fresh Donuts,” Whitey! It needs to be less origin story, more commercial. MC CHALKSKIN (Waiting for an explanation.) Okay. SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) Okay? (Not waiting for a response.) Okay. Better lyrics, better music. (Stressing the point.) Funnier. MC CHALKSKIN Whoa-ho-ho-ho. What do you mean “funnier,” man? SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) You know, more hilarity. More ha ha. MC CHALKSKIN (Getting angry.) No, I don’t know what you mean? What do you mean “more ha ha?” SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) (Confused.) I just assumed you were going for comedy. HOT ASIAN CHICK #2 Ha ha ha ha! You so funny! MC CHALKSKIN Just what do you mean “going for comedy,” man? SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) (Blowing over the question.) Don’t worry about that. Get Pop’N’Fresh back. And I want more Rich Prophet, more J-Man. MC CHALKSKIN ‘Ite. Got it. SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) Chalkskin! MC CHALKSKIN Yeah? SHEEPDOG (O.P.P.) Go get that money! A loud click is heard as Sheepdog slams down his receiver on the other end. MC CHALKSKIN ‘Ite, ladies. It appears that Chalkskin’s broke again. HOT ASIAN CHICK #1 Not-uh. You cheap. MC CHALKSKIN What exactly is the Chinese term for “dine and dash?” HOT ASIAN CHICK #1 You figure it out. MC CHALKSKIN Come on. Come on. Andale! Andale! HOT ASIAN CHICK #1 Andale? MC CHALKSKIN Come on. Grab your purse! HOT ASIAN CHICK #1 Okay. Okay. MC CHALKSKIN Someone grab some egg rolls on the way out. MC Chalkskin ducks his head and attempts to get the women to follow his lead of sneakily exiting the restaurant in silence. HOT ASIAN CHICK #2 (Screaming.) Wait! You forgot your fortune cookie!!

(Intro.) Chalkskin. Chalkskin. Chalkskin came to get that money. Chalkskin came to get that money. Chalkskin came to get that money. Get that money. (Verse 1.) Flush with cash. Sittin’ pretty. Dropped some money On this ditty. Beat’s so hot. Lyrics, witty. Broke my piggy Just to build this city. Chalkskin’s rollin’ On my bankroll, Shirt off my back, And my whole soul. Get it all back. That’s the whole goal. Squeezin’ diamonds From lumps of coal. Hit it hard. Got the distance. Chalk outlines ‘Round my resistance. Nothin’ stoppin’ Me from tryin’. I’ll be rappin’ When I’m dyin’. Try’na fire My board of directors. Cryin’ in my Benjamins. Melt my gold records. You can find my Grammies. Got ‘em on ebay. Can’t wait ‘til Friday. Gimme my PayDay! (Hook.) PayDay. PayDay. Gimme that PayDay. Can’t wait ‘till Friday. It’s too far away. Hey hey. Hey hey. Gimme that money, ‘Cause it’s always sunny When you got the honey. PayDay. PayDay. Gimme that PayDay. Can’t wait ‘till Friday. It’s too far away. Hey hey. Hey hey. Gimme that money, ‘Cause it’s always sunny When you got the honey. Dollah dollah bills. Dollah dollah bills! Don’t make it very far Up them Hollywood Hills. Try’na make it to the top. See what we can get. Gotta make this song A number one. Dollah dollah bills. Dollah dollah bills! Don’t make it very far Up them Hollywood Hills. Try’na make it to the top. See what we can get. Gotta make this song A number one. (Verse 2.) Recession’s on a come up. I guess we better blow up On this album, brothas. Before we hold a bank up And make up for these losses That this beat had to cost us. No free roller coasters, This industry’s atrocious. Beggin’ and a pleadin’ Kinda got me all furious, We gotta use a sling shot and a rock For this bank plot. Don’t even have a toy gun That we can spray. ‘Cause the 99 Cent Store Won’t do a layaway. P for the part When we test drive Ferraris. A is for all the girls That would call me. Y (why) if I were rich, I wouldn’t do my laundry. Leave a deep smell Of success comin’ off me. A (hey), where my money at? Gotta have it! Y (why) don’t I make as much As Bob Saget? Pack a Full House, And everybody’s happy. And both the Olson Twins Call me “daddy.” (Hook.) PayDay. PayDay. Gimme that PayDay. Can’t wait ‘till Friday. It’s too far away. Hey hey. Hey hey. Gimme that money, ‘Cause it’s always sunny When you got the honey. PayDay. PayDay. Gimme that PayDay. Can’t wait ‘till Friday. It’s too far away. Hey hey. Hey hey. Gimme that money, ‘Cause it’s always sunny When you got the honey. Dollah dollah bills. Dollah dollah bills! Don’t make it very far Up them Hollywood Hills. Try’na make it to the top. See what we can get. Gotta make this song A number one. Dollah dollah bills. Dollah dollah bills! Don’t make it very far Up them Hollywood Hills. Try’na make it to the top. See what we can get. Gotta make this song A number one. (Verse 3.) This ain't PayDay. This is payback For all you fat cats Who sat back And stayed wack. This ain't a rap song. Its a death threat. You mutha effers lucky we ain't took ya head yet. Leave you on bed rest. Yes, Never know just where I'm headed. Chalkskin's in the house. Time to call the paramedics. Dead. And forget it ‘Else we leave ya straight shredded. Your body served in tacos, And we toppin it with lettuce. Let us in ‘Else I'm telling you We're really gonna brawl you. Homie, you don't wanna see this fatal fate befall you. All you Gotta do is answer when it calls you. Came to get the money. Tell me what the hell you gon’ do? All you Need to do is sit back I'll explain it, maine. Sunshine, Pourin’ rain, Yeah, I came to bring the pain. With the rhythm method, man. Bound to make you feel the flow. Yeah, we came to get the dough Y’ain’t know..? Now ya know. . .

(Intro.) Man, this place is kinda creepy. Welcome to the Batkave. Enter passcode. Chalkskin! Ah ha ha! Yo, what’s up, Chalkskin? This is Jaz. Welcome to the BatKave. What kind of song you try’na do today? Man, we layin’ down that new hottness. Load up “Pow Wow,” you know what I’m sayin’? “Pow Wow?!” Alright. Hold on. Accessing twenty four! Chalkskin! Oh no! Let’s mount ‘em up, boys. Oh! We gonna start rappin’, snappin’, and makin’ ‘em happen! Yeehaw! Kachow!! May I have your attention please? Will all the ladies please report to the dance floor? Chalkskin is havin’ a pow wow! Pow wow! A pow wow! (Verse 1.) That's right I Wanna take my time To express my mind While I spit this rhyme In your ear. I came to dance, You came to dance, And baby that much is clear. Love when you walk it out. You know what I'm talkin’ ‘bout. Girl you got that (pow wow). Yes, you got that ( pow wow). Like how now (brown cow). Girl, you got that pow wow. You the kitty, I'm the dogg, And yes I got that bow wow. (Woof!) Love when you walk it out. (Woof!) You know what I'm talking ‘bout. Girl, you got that (pow wow), and yes I got that. . . (Hook.) First we get ‘em with that Uh! (Uh!) Then we hit ‘em with that Pow! (Pow!) And they all like Wow! (Wow!) Boom boom boom boom boom. The we drop it. First we get ‘em with that Uh! (Uh!) Then we hit ‘em with that Pow! (Pow!) And they all like Wow! (Wow!) Boom boom boom boom boom. The we drop it. (Verse 2.) It's that P.O.W. You's a prisoner of war. We got you lock on this beat ‘Til you set free on that floor. Dance, dance, Like you got the Parkinsons, When you walkin’ in, Your body bend. Pow Wow. Beat's so sweat. Hit your ears. Rot your teeth. (Bridge.) With that uh pow wow. Drop it on ‘em. Drop it on ‘em. With that uh pow wow. Drop it. This is where you dance! With that uh pow wow. Drop it on ‘em. Drop it on ‘em. With that uh pow wow. Drop it. (Verse 3.) First I do The running man. Raise the roof. Throw yo’ hands. Baby, where’s yo’ Tootsie Roll? Sweatin’ outta Gigajoule. Hokey pokey, Hussle, Hey! Help me spell Y-M-C-A. Gotta lotta That robot-a. Girl, let’s twist The night away. (Hook.) First we get ‘em with that Uh! (Uh!) Then we hit ‘em with that Pow! (Pow!) And they all like Wow! (Wow!) Boom boom boom boom boom. The we drop it. First we get ‘em with that Uh! (Uh!) Then we hit ‘em with that Pow! (Pow!) And they all like Wow! (Wow!) Boom boom boom boom boom. The we drop it. (Verse 4.) J-Man, Dim lit. Light some candles. Get it. Twist it. Pull it off. Turn around And show it off. Pow wow. Bend your knees. Spray you fresh Like I’m Fabreeze. Girl, please. I’m drivin’ you. Cruisin’ J-Man Avenue. (Bridge.) With that uh pow wow. Drop it on ‘em. Drop it on ‘em. With that uh pow wow. Drop it. This is where you dance! With that uh pow wow. Drop it on ‘em. Drop it on ‘em. With that uh pow wow. Drop it. (Bridge.) With that uh pow wow. Drop it on ‘em. Drop it on ‘em. With that uh pow wow. Drop it. This is where you dance! With that uh pow wow. Drop it on ‘em. Drop it on ‘em. With that uh pow wow. Drop it. (Outro.) Hey, Rich, that girl gave me her room key. What? The one from the bachelorette party? Fo’ sho’, fo’ sho’. And you know what they say. . . It’s that How Now Brown Cow Holiday Inn. (Say what?!) And if your girl Starts actin’ up, It’s ‘cause she’s rollin’ with Chalkskin.

(Hook.) ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! Semper Fi until I die. ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! Semper Fi until I die. ‘Til the last Oorah! (Verse 1.) Welcome ya’ll To that devil dog’s Hospitality. Blasphemy, Yah’ magesty. You partyin’ with marines. We home. It's on. We in that killin’ zone, Drinkin’ til one stands alone, Oorah? Oorah homes! Walkin’ that hardball. Foot mobilin’ Got me thinkin, We need to get busy Like some recons on that missions. So dance! ‘Til heads hit the ceiling, Knock yourself out If you willin. ‘Dat won't go on Page Eleven. Tappin’ since Tun Tavern. Pass us that Atropine. We guzzlin’ Moonshine. Need that injection. Them chemicals Make you go blind FIRE! You cleared hot. Pop them rounds Like NATO shots. Jager bombs, Vodka, scotch. Disappear like Black Ops. I'm feelin’ Chestier Than Puller From liquor and sugar. What would be cooler, Is a cooler of that Ripped Fueler. Mixed with Ephedra Is better than some Hooters at Hooters. I'll glass that in a hurry, ‘til that Oh dark thirty! (Hook.) ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! Semper Fi until I die. ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! Semper Fi until I die. ‘Til the last Oorah! (Verse 2.) We Came. We Saw. We conquer for the cause. Left that party lookin’ like Normandy's bloodiest brawl. Let me pause Just a minute, Reminisce. First day We steppin’ in. On that yellow Foot print. Bald headed! Boot camp! Huffin’ air! Body cramps! Constipated! Lackin’ naps! Any day! Gonna snap! Broken down! Built back! I'm a rifle! That's that! Got your six! You got my back! Oorah? Oorah that! M.R.E.s As good as crack. From ham and cheese To the rib racks. Chop ‘em up With my K-Bar, Cup it in My Kevlar. We rock stars In combat. Rollin’ hard In an amtrac, What you know ‘Bout a flak Jacket? Laced to the waist, A Fanny Packet. A fanny packet? Yeah i said it! Laugh again, Make you regret it. MMA my boot To your lip. Recognize My blood stripe. You got it right. We built to fight. Like Spartans, 300 guys. The Few, The Proud. You criticize? Talk in this 40 Mike Mike. (Hook.) ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! Semper Fi until I die. ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! ‘Til the last Oorah! Semper Fi until I die. ‘Til the last Oorah! (Break down.) We be them leathernecks. You can’t cut through our flesh. That’s why we party like We laughin’ in the face of death. We be them leathernecks. You can’t cut through our flesh. That’s why we party like We laughin’ in the face of death. We be them leathernecks. You can’t cut through our flesh. That’s why we party like We laughin’ in the face of death. We be them leathernecks. You can’t cut through our flesh. That’s why we party like We laughin’ in the face of death. We be them leathernecks. You can’t cut through our flesh. That’s why we party like We laughin’ in the face of death. (Verse 3.) This is the Marine Corp! Eagle, Anchor, Globe, Sword! Simplified Semper Fi. More Faithful Than a Jesus Christ. I'll play you with A paper knife. So capable than That average guy, Kill you with two Wet plies of tissue. Paint you with my Spit straw missile. Let a MacGyver Try’ta Light a Marine on fire. Get White Feathered. Been through hell More than Lucifer. Burnt so bad That our necks turned lea-ther. We be them leathernecks, You can't cut through our flesh. That's why we party like We laughin’ in the face of death. (Outro.) Mwahahahahaha! Tee hee.

INT. MASSIVE, POSH THEATER -- NIGHT Dozens of television cameras come to life. An enormous audience sits in the darkened theater as two men stand on the stage. The Host is very handsome and probably never worked a day in his life. The man beside him stands nervously, his fingers fumbling with the heavy golden chains hanging around his neck. He wears a crooked ball cap and very low, saggy jeans. His boxer shorts are showing, shiny and gold with eight balls inlaid all around. He wore them in honor of the judges he now faces. At the foot of the stage is a large, illuminated desk. Four men sit behind it, the famed members of Chalkskin. They blow kisses and wave to the crowd as they roar in excited anticipation. The moment has finally come. HOST Welcome back to “So You Think You Can Rap?,” the show that makes or breaks America’s next top rapper. If you’re just tuning in, we’re down to our finalist, and one million dollars in cold, hard cash is on the line. Ice Dawg just set the mic on fire, and we’re waiting on the judges. Ice Dawg, how are you feeling? ICE DAWG Well, I’ve got to be serious. I’m a bit nervous. I gotta thank God I’m even on this stage, being Scottish and all. Me winning could help me get me mum out of the Highlands! The audience laughs. Ice Dawg isn’t entirely sure why. HOST Aw. Aw, that’s great! Looks like the judges are ready. Rich Prophet, what did you think? RICH PROPHET Ice Dawg. Wooh! Brother. Yeah, it’s Rich Prophet. Thank you. Thank you. Tepid applause. RICH PROPHET If my buttcheeks had tear ducts, they would be cryin’ right now, man You really. . . You touched my soul with that, dogg. ICE DAWG Ah! That’s very kind of you. J-MAN That was beautiful. I concur. I concur. RICH PROPHET You - you really - you really knocked it out of the park with this one. I didn’t see it comin’. Rich Prophet says. . . Ice Dawg, you can rap. The audience cheers loudly for their favorite rapping Scott. HOST Alright, that’s one vote for you, Ice Dawg! D.J. Pop’N’Fresh? D.J. POP’N’FRESH You wrote those lyrics? ICE DAWG Yeah, I did. Every word. D.J. POP’N’FRESH Very impressive. Your syncopated use of alliteration was invigorating, and the metaphors you treated us to were almost Busta’ Rhymes-esque. ICE DAWG Thank you. Thank you so much! D.J. POP’N’FRESH You can rap! Again, the audience is in rapture. HOST That’s two! J-Man? J-MAN I hear it. Like - What - Brother, wha - what are you made of? Like, seriously - like I - what are you made - like - Forty ounce bottles. And then I see, like, this weird Sesame Street thing goin’. ICE DAWG Yes? J-MAN Kinda this Tickle me J-Man thing goin’. Uh! Feelin’ it! ICE DAWG Um. . . What? HOST What are you saying, J-Man? J-MAN What is that rumblin’ off the leaves of my ears? HOST What did you just say, J-Man? The crowd grows restless. J-MAN Oh oh, I heard it through the J-Vine, and I’m ‘bout to lose my mind. Chalky chalky, yeah! RICH PROPHET Uh. Wait, wait, what!? HOST J-Man, what are you talking about? J-MAN Brother looks like a baby. Brother sounds like a baby. ICE DAWG I don’t understand! J-MAN You know, this reminds me of the time Pop’N’Fresh and I were lost in that zoo. And we were runnin’ around, and that tiger came up to us and was all. . . (Unintelligible garble funk.) ICE DAWG I don’t understand a blimey thing he’s sayin’! J-MAN . . .and Pop was all, “I’ll take care of it.” HOST J-Man, use your words. J-MAN Ice Dawg. . . You, sir. . . Can rap! The audience lets out a collective sigh. Oh! That’s what he was saying! Of course! What a mystery J-Man is. A sexy, sexy enigma. He’s so deep. Kind of like John Lennon. HOST That’s three, but this is the final round, and you need all four votes. M.C. Chalkskin, it’s all down to you. M.C. CHALKSKIN Yo, hip hop is dead, man. Long live the king. HOST Does that mean that, yes, in fact Ice Dawg can rap and has won one million dollars? M.C. CHALKSKIN Hell no! The crowd cries out in shock! If M.C. Chalkskin doesn’t think Ice Dawg can rap, then they must have been wrong about him. How many other things have they been wrong about in the past? Did they pick the right mate? Profession? Breed of terrier? Child to spare? If only Chlakskin were always around to set them straight. To show them right and wrong. Their world is in shambles. M.C. CHALKSKIN He can’t rap, man. Not like Chalkskin can. Get off my stage, man, and give me that mic! ICE DAWG What are you talkin’ about? M.C. CHALKSKIN Come to me with that and expect to get paid. D.J. POP’N’FRESH I thought he was pretty good. RICH PROPHET Yeah, don’t listen to Chalkskin. J-MAN You’re trippin’. He was all “doot-doot-doot-doot-doo sweet!!” Wait! If Chalkskin and the rest of the members of Chalkskin don’t always agree, then that makes them fallible. How could they be so foolish and follow these straw god?! Boo!! M.C. CHALKSKIN Naw. None’a ya’ll know a thing about rap! Yo, give Chalkskin the money! I declare myself America’s next top rapper! ICE DAWG Not even a chance! HOST (Laughing.) Okay. M.C. CHALKSKIN Give me the money! ICE DAWG That’s stupid! M.C. CHALKSKIN J-Man all “doot-doot-doot sweet!” Rich Prophet always talkin’ ‘bout something. ICE DAWG You may take me PayDay. . . but you’ll never take. . . me microphone!! Gu bràth!! Wiggity wiggity wiggity wack.

(Intro.) Let me clear my throat. Kick over here, baby pop. And let all the fly skivvies feel the beat. . . (Intro.) Hit ‘em with my rhymes. Crush ‘em everytime. Lyrics like a mime. With a twist of lime. Set ‘em up. Knock ‘em out. Tell you what it’s all about. Chalk’s the truth. Ain’t no doubt. Funky like some sauerkraut. Beats, they are a’poppin’. Party’s never stoppin’. Floors, I am a’moppin’, ‘Cause we hip hoppin’. I can spit in sign. Check the next line. Aaaaah. Blew yo’ flippin’ mind. Rockin’, shockin’. I’m locked and reloaded. You been sittin’ on your couch Eatin’ chips and gettin’ bloated. Walkin’ from the stage; See the audience explodin’. Droppin’ hammers like I’m Thor. Throwin’ lightnin’ like I’m Odin. Chalk colored clouds. They dark and forebodin’. Stingin’ like a bee. I’m a butterfly a’floatin’. Woke you up like Folger’s. You hip hop inhibited. Just like I told’ya. (Hook.) Hip hip inhibited. You inhibited by hip hop. D.J. sees you comin’, He makes the beat drop. Soon as you start spittin’, We beggin’ you to stop. You’re hip hop inhibited. Inhibited by. . . Hip hop. Hip hip inhibited. You inhibited by hip hop. D.J. sees you comin’, He makes the beat drop. Soon as you start spittin’, We beggin’ you to stop. You’re hip hop inhibited. Inhibited by. . . Hip hop. (Verse 2.) Take a seat, son. It’s time for your lesson. Chalkskin’s Hip Hop School is in session. Know who’s the boss. Tony Danza gave his blessin’. Bad mamba jamba: That’s my profession. From the floor up, You’re all tore up. Get your form up. Do this warm up. Rubber baby buggy bumpers. Rubber baby buggy bumpers. You’re Jim Carey, Jeff Daniels, Dumb and Dumber. And at this rate, You’ll be in school all summer. March to the step Of an offbeat drummer. Lips, teeth, and tongue Are in a slumber. It’s all good. I’m here to teach‘ya. Got the gift of gab, And I’m try’na reach‘ya. If you don’t join me, Watch me beat’ya, ‘Cause I’m spittin’ fire Like a baptist preachah! (Hook.) Hip hip inhibited. You inhibited by hip hop. D.J. sees you comin’, He makes the beat drop. Soon as you start spittin’, We beggin’ you to stop. You’re hip hop inhibited. Inhibited by. . . Hip hop. Hip hip inhibited. You inhibited by hip hop. D.J. sees you comin’, He makes the beat drop. Soon as you start spittin’, We beggin’ you to stop. You’re hip hop inhibited. Inhibited by. . . Hip hop. (Bridge.) Hey, Facebook! Help me get tangential on this rhyme. Give me some subject matter, and I’ll spit! (Verse 3.) Launchpad McQuack: Crash, burn, never learn. Radio active polar bears from Mars: Next turn. Blue Beetle: Superhero, super genius. Ted Kord. I wonder, Did he have a blue - Woah!: Joey Lawrence on “Blossom.” Love those white teeth. Everyday, he must floss ‘em. Snowflakes: Everyone is unique. Like these super dope rhymes That I’m spittin’ when I speak. Chloroform: Gotta get it! Can’t wait! Without my chloroform, I can never get a date. Hamsters: Ended up in my hampers. Chewin’ on my diapers. Yeah, I wear Pampers. Fractal Geometry: Gonna make yo’ momma sneeze. Fragmented shape, Time escape, In these Docker jeans. Lincoln Logs: Lincoln logs. . . Pirates: Pecan Pie: Jason Vorhees: Platypus: Cheetos: Cheetos! Pokemon: Cartoons: Pokemon Cartoons: Okay, you need to slow down, man. Digital Media: Joblessness: You’re goin’ too fast. New Jersey: Deleted Scenes from “Brokeback Mountain:” Seriously, Jaz, are you in there? Nunchucks: Frank Lloyd Wright: Jaz? Ewoks: I cannot hear the snare in my headphones. Master Splinter: Shrimp: Jaz!? Drrrop! Wiffleball: Fun Sized Candy Bars: Screw this! Continuity Errors: Money, Hoes, and Fame_0101100...|

(Intro.) Brothers and sisters, can I get a J-Man? J-Man! J-Man! J-Man! We are gathered here today to give thanks to the one, but we need your help. We need your donations. The five dollars. The ten dollars. Your left shoe. We’ll all take it. It’ll house the hungry. The many ladies J-Man has. It’ll put a sheet over their head. We have our merch booth. In the back. And go buy your J-Man shirt. Go buy them J-Man panties I know you so want to wear. And put ‘em on, girl. Put ‘em on and give thanks to the man. The one. The only. J-Man. (Hook.) J-Man! J-Man! J-Man! J-Man! J-Man! (Verse 1.) Aw snap! Got you all excited. Get ‘yo hands up. You know that you like it. Chalk said go and kill ‘em. Just make sure that they all feel it. ‘Cause already when they see ‘em, They wanna know what it’s like to be ‘em. Let’s see: I’m smart and classy, Have very little ass meat. Love hearing people laughing. With ladies, I’m not bad, g. I’m just sayin’ I’m not playin’. They be sprayin’ Pheramones Straight through my telephone Like “What the hell is on?” Aw chuck it. Toss in a couplet. Most people still like, “Who did Chalkskin, whats-it?” Female dog, recognize. See me ball like, “Ooh, that’s nice. Got a spaceship; flew it twice. And still they all like, “Ooh, he’s white.” Not a race, but brothah needs a tan, But the studio only glows fluorescent, man. Whatever you ask for, the highly acclaimed. Now get yo’ hands up and say my name. It’s like. . . (Hook.) Sing it all together now. J-Man! J-Man! All together now. J-Man! J-Man! J-Man! Sing it all together now. (Verse 2.) Oooh! Sounds sexy. Like listenin’ to “T ‘n A” While you breastfeed. Dance with my left feet. Kick with my right. Imma dick? Yeah right, But come on, J-Man’s tight. They was like, “He’s lame. Voice all nasally. Words all crazy. Have my baby!” Woah! I am one. Getch’ya own. My mom still pays for my cellular phone. While my dime still pays for the yachts that I own, And I work nine to five, still breaking my bones Just to hear the crowd sing my name in this song. J’s day is dawned. “PayDay” is bomb. Hear me now, standin’ proud On top of the mound. Swingin’ wild Knock it out. Now I’m renowned. Your new favorite song has been found. Now, play my song as the king is crowned. It’s like. . . (Hook.) Sing it all together now. J-Man! J-Man! All together now. J-Man! J-Man! J-Man! Sing it all together now. (Breakdown.) J-Man. Superman. J-Man! J-Man! Superman. J-Man! J-Man! Superman. He’s super, ya’ll. J-Man! Superman. J-Man! J-Man! Superman. J-Man! J-Man! Superman. J-Man. Superman. (Simultaneously.) Can I get an allelujah? Aw. It’s J-Man! Aw. I see you, girl. Don’t feel obligated. Don’t feel obligated. But gimme-gimme-gimme. Oh! It feels so good! Is that my name on yo’ panties? (Verse 3.) That out the way, I hope ya’ll enjoyed the show. Listenin’ to ya’ll, I done ate up all the Oreos. Where was I? Oh yeah! I’m so cool. Met Chalk in high school. Joined the group like, “‘Ite, cool.” I’m rockin’ spots in Chalkskin’s group. All this gossip talkin’. Stop just groove. Like. . . Roll into J’s spot. I got what’chu need. Be a J-Man disciple. Just follow me. (Hook.) Sing it all together now. J-Man! J-Man! All together now. J-Man! J-Man! J-Man! Put your hands together now.

(Intro.) As I write this, I’m currently dwelling with the nomadic Fluffites. Roaming the foothills of the Indian mountainside. In search of the elusive palace of the Fluffy Kingdom. Wherein resides on DJ Pop’N’Fresh. I’ve been trying to gain the trust of the natives in order for them to introduce me into this fabled city, but alas, I have been unsuccessful. Wait! May that be him? Adorned with the fluffiest of garments. Accompanied by the fluffiest of bossoms? YAHHHH! Welcome to my Fluffy Kingdom! Yehahahaha! Yahahahaha! (Verse 1.) Addiction Is sickenin’. Tried these restrictions For fixation On soft relations. No isolation From that insulation. ‘Cause it made me stationed When life was vacant. Or times when I thought I couldn't make it - Naked, Layin’ on the pavement achin’. But barren was a beauty ‘Cause I had my Tweeties. Fluffy, yellow footies With the matchin’ undies. Now, I still rock a pair With fatigues. Marines lookin at me Like a POG with nose bleeds. If I had it how I want it: ICE CREAM! Taken to the battlefield, Cushion canteen. Rollin’ down the street, Tank covered in fleece. Inside of the ride, Triple down geese. Padded rooms too soft to me? Come to think about it, Put me in again. Throw away the key. (Hook.) Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! We fluffin’ all night. Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! We fluffin’ all night. (Verse 2.) Don't act like You never seen A dude on the dance flo’, Stuntin’ in a fury bathrobe With an afro. Furry bliss on the wrist, The throat, The ears, the toes. NICKNAME: ESKIMO. Tickle like Elmo. Fuzzy like navels. Drank so many that I’m under the table. Puttin on ape shows. Humanoid. Wolf boy. Dance like an overjoyed Chewie on steroids. True Puff Daddy, Best believe me. Why you the think Sean Combs Changed his name to "Diddy," Girl? I know you feel me. If not, then touch. My fluffy won’t bite. This is sofa, plush. Makes you blush, does it? This is that new bubbly. Better than Cristal Mixed with that Young Money! Grab a beanie baby, Nab a pillow casin'. Get yo’ squishy on. We fluffy celebratin’. (Hook.) Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! We fluffin’ all night. Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! Fluffy Stuff!! We fluffin’ all night. (Bridge.) This is my Fluffosophy Everybody fluff with me. Livin’ in a fluffy world is so much pleasant than a hard one. Come together in a fluffy fashion and see and open your eyes to the fluffy fantastic. We got enough hard, cut corners in the world, and as a result people are stale and hard and wanna hit people all the time. But just as they strike, raise your Beanie Baby in the air, so they may not concave your face in. Give it up for fluffy. (Verse 3.) Marinate in the mushy magic. Body bathe in a bunny basket. Pour passion on your pile of plastic. Flaunt fabric in a fluffy fashion. Welcome to my fluffy world. I said welcome to my fluffy world. Welcome to my fluffy world. Welcome to my fluffy world.

(Intro.) Hello, everyone! My name’s Rich Prophet, and welcome to the second annual Chalkskin’s Benefit for the Unloved here at Dirty Donna’s Gentlemen’s club, located in the El Paso Convention Center. Wooh! El Paso!! We have a nacho bar in the back corner. Uh. Lovely Lace is tending to the nacho bar. . . Remember the Alamo!! Make sure you tip her well. And, no, not that tip. And of course all of tonight’s proceeds will be going to Charity. My favorite stripper. Take it away, Charity. Hey, DJ Pop’N’Fresh. Play my song. It’s the perfect song. The perfect song. It’s the perfect song. It’s the perfect song. (Hook.) It’s the perfect song for a pole dance. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Girl, let me see you work it with no hands. Gotta stack of ones; lookin’ for some romance. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Perfect song. P-p-perfect song. Yeah. It’s the perfect song for a pole dance. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Girl, let me see you work it with no hands. Gotta stack of ones; lookin’ for some romance. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Lookin’ for some romance. Perfect song. Yeah. Play my song. Song song song song. Play my song. Song song song song. Play my song. Song song song song. Play my song. Song song song song. (Verse 1.) When you grip that pole, Oh, you look so pretty. Could I maybe - Possibly Get an itty-bitty Slice of the kitty And just suck yo’ -- Please! Now, if you smell me, You feel me, Ya’ Understand me, baby. . . You can ride this pole Here from Daygo Down to Miami, like. . . Like like like. . . You can take a class If you don’t know just how To do it right. Lock yo’ legs. Work yo’ thighs. Throw it into overdrive. Oh-oh-overdrive. Throw it into overdrive. Lock yo’ legs. Work yo’ thighs. Throw it into overdrive. (Hook.) It’s the perfect song for a pole dance. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Girl, let me see you work it with no hands. Gotta stack of ones; lookin’ for some romance. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Perfect song. P-p-perfect song. Yeah. It’s the perfect song for a pole dance. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Girl, let me see you work it with no hands. Gotta stack of ones; lookin’ for some romance. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Play my song. Lookin’ for some romance. P-perfect song. Yeah. Play my song. Song song song song. Play my song. Song song song song. It’s the perfect song for a pole dance. Play my song. Song song song song. It’s the perfect song for a pole dance. Gotta stack of ones; lookin’ for some romance. Gotta stack of ones; lookin’ for some romance. It’s the perfect song for a pole dance. Girl, let me see you work it with no hands. Gotta stack of ones, lookin’ for some romance. Perfect song. P-perfect song. Yeah. (Breakdown.) Lock yo’ legs. Work it. Wor-work yo’ thighs. Throw it. Thr-thr-thr-thr-throw-throw - Throw it into overdrive. Oh-oh-overdrive. Oh-oh-oh-oh-overdrive. Lock it-lock-lock yo’ legs. Throw it into overdrive. Lock yo’ legs. Work it. Wor-work yo’ th-th-thighs. Throw it. Thr-thr-thr-thr-throw-throw - Throw it into overdrive. Oh-oh-overdrive. Oh-oh-oh-oh-overdrive. Lock it-lock-lock yo’ legs. Throw it into overdrive.

ANNOUNCER Meet George. GEORGE Hello. ANNOUNCER George is a nerd. GEORGE Yes, I am. ANNOUNCER A geek. GEORGE Yes. ANNOUNCER A freak. GEORGE Okay. I - I - I think that’s enough. ANNOUNCER George is terrible with the ladies. GEORGE I do have a problem with the ladies. ANNOUNCER They find him repellant. GEORGE Sometimes, yes. ANNOUNCER Often times, they refer to him as “creepy.” GEORGE Can you believe it? ANNOUNCER George is a total waste of human flesh. GEORGE Alright, guy. That’s enough. ANNOUNCER That was before George discovered the new fragrance by Chalkskin: CASH! Now George smells like money, which women find extremely attractive. Now George is cool. GEORGE Yeah. SEXY LADY Mmm. You smell good. ANNOUNCER Smooth. GEORGE Aw yeah. SEXY LADY I love the smell of money. ANNOUNCER Absolutely irresistible. GEORGE That be true. SEXY LADY Oh, Georgie Worgie! ANNOUNCER George doesn’t even need to try with the ladies anymore. GEORGE Don’t even need to wear a forty million dollar suit. SEXY LADY You remind me of George Washington. ANNOUNCER They find him irresistible. GEORGE I’m a magnet, fool. SEXY LADY Ooh! Just make it rain. ANNOUNCER They want him so bad. GEORGE It’s all up in this. SEXY LADY Is that a wad of money in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? ANNOUNCER George is a god. GEORGE Smell me. SEXY LADY Ooh. That’s a big roll of quarters. ANNOUNCER Cash. The new fragrance by Chalkskin. GEORGE I’m green, girl. SEXY LADY I heard it’s not easy being green. I can make it easier for you. LEGAL Side effects may include: Hardened nipples More attractive to opposite sex among your family Monogamy Street credibility More sensitive taste buds Warts Nails falling out Gender confusion Mouse ears Swelling of the tear ducts Leprosy Gangrene Ability to talk to fish Bleeding from the ears Bleeding from the eyes Bleeding from the sweat glands Distended esophagus Psychic migraines Endless reincarnation Stigmata Acid reflux Double jointedness Spontaneous combustion Lupus Increased sensitivity in the sphincters Increased sensitivity to changes in light, temperature, and barometric pressure Unexplained body piercings Hangover Rolling blackouts Narcolepsy Epilepsy Diet Pepsi Refusal to take the red pill Deep seeded love for neckerchiefs Overwhelming desire to find out who the real killer is Hammer toe Hammer time Hammer head Arm & Hammer And. . . Extra chakras ANNOUNCER Cash! GEORGE Get on me now. DJ POP’N’FRESH Pop’N’Fresh approved!

(Intro.) Yeah. You damn right! Chalkskin! Is here! At Nerdstock! At Nerdstock. At Nerdstock. At Nerdstock. At Nerdstock. At Nerdstock. At Nerdstock. At Nerdstock. At Nerdstock. (Simultaneously.) I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. (Verse 1.) See me at Nerdstock. Dressed like Mr. Spock. We got that crazy nerd music Make ‘ya head rock. We down at Bedrock With Fred Feelin’stoned. I’m in the nerd herd, So I never feel alone. (Breakdown.) My crew is Iceman, Frozen. We as cold as can be. We got that nerdcore Rockin’ If you rollin’ with me. Then throw yo’ hands up. Everybody, Rock to the beat. Ra-ra-ra-rock to the beat! (Verse 2.) Roll up with Han and Chewie. Answer the Call of Duty. The Princess wants to do me. She sees me gettin’ groovy. All My Nerds, nerds, in the house. Got it in you, geek it out. Bang that brain say the words. Revenge of the nerds! (Chorus.) I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. (Simultaneously.) Nerd is the word. Ner-ner-nerd is the word. Nerd is the word. With my pocket protector. Nerd is the word. Ner-ner-nerd is the word. Nerd is the word. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. (Breakdown.) My crew is Iceman, Frozen. We as cold as can be. We got that nerdcore Rockin’ If you rollin’ with me. Then throw yo’ hands up. Everybody, Rock to the beat. Ner-ner-ner-nerd is the word. (Verse 3.) We got that nerdcore That makes the nerds rock. We gettin’ geeked up. ‘Bout to go to Nerdstock. We got that nerdcore That makes the nerds rock! We gettin’ geeked up. ‘Bout to go to Nerdstock. (Breakdown.) I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s- I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. I’m-I’m. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m-He’s-He’s. She’s a nerd. I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m. You’re a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m. She’s a nerd. I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m. You’re a nerd. I’m. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a-she’s a-I’m a-she’s a-I’m a-she’s a- I’m a-she’s a. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. (Simultaneously, from after “I’m a-she’s a-I’m a-she’s a. . .) Nerd is the word. Ner-ner-nerd is the word. Ner-ner-ner-nerd is the word. With my pocket protector. Nerd is the word. Ner-ner-nerd is the word. Nerd is the word. (Verse 4.) We got that nerdcore That makes the nerds rock. We gettin’ geeked up. ‘Bout to go to Nerdstock. We got that nerdcore That makes the nerds rock. We gettin’ geeked up. ‘Bout to go to Nerdstock. (Simultaneously.) I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd. I’m a nerd. You’re a nerd. He’s a nerd. She’s a nerd.

(Intro.) D’uh! Dah! Guh. Get him. Get him, Captain Kirk. Ah. You the man. Oh! Oh! Rich! Rich! Rich! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Spike TV! Spike TV! Spike TV! What the heck, J-Man? My show is on. My show is on. I don’t care. Give me the remote, Rich. No, we are not watching Spike TV. No. Look, I told you it is my turn. The rules are I got control of the TV on the tour bus. You got control of the master suit to put sheets over heads of ladies and such. Fine then. It’s like that? Imma battle you. “Star Wars” versus “Star Trek.” “Star Trek” versus “Star Wars.” Let’s do this. Alright. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go. (Hook.) Trek-Trek-Trek Wars! Shatner’s king of the stars. I say Geordi, you say Levar. And Picard is hard. Trek Wars! We got Obi and Yoda, Droids and clone souljas! Boy, it’s like I told ya! Trek Wars! Your girl’s beamin’ up Scotty. Call me Rich Prophet, Riker, Number one. You got me? Trek Wars! Wave my hand, and you believe me. Your girls is green and teeny. My girl’s in gold bikinis. (Verse 1.) Yeah. Skywalker’s a pip squeak. Picard is the hardest. Recognize my Enterprise. Hit you with my starship. Flow while I bomb again With the proton again. Smoke you like some Romulan. Never see yo’ mom again. Plus I’m gonna smash again. On you like Kardashian. Oops! I meant Cardassian. Never see yo’ ass again. Plus I got Data With his finger on the phaser. I ain’t trippin’ on Vader. He’s a hater. See you later. Your lack of faith’s disturbing. Find your final frontier burning. Got Picard froze hard in carbonite, And Kirk and Spock be crawling like. . . A Tribble Made you piddle On the floor. Oops! Did I scare you? Through the air flew my lightsaber. Now your phaser lays there. Say your prayers. See Spock start to cry now. Federation lies down. Hive of scum and villainy. Force choke you, now you feelin’ me? Let’s race to see who the boss is. Kessel Run, twelve parsecs. Face it, man. You lost it. Second place: Rich Prophet. (Hook.) Trek Wars! Shatner’s king of the stars. I say Geordi, you say Levar. And Picard is hard. Trek Wars! We got Obi and Yoda, Droids and clone souljas! Boy, it’s like I told ya! Trek Wars! Your girl’s beamin’ up Scotty. Call me Rich Prophet, Riker, Number one. You got me? Trek Wars! Wave my hand, and you believe me. Your girls is green and teeny. My girl’s in gold bikinis. (Verse 2.) Let’s smash upon J-Man again. Emo like he’s Anakin. Who’s my biggest fan again? I’m Eminem. He’s Stan again. Your life in my hand again. Good thing that I’m so diplomatic. Still I got Spock With the glock, And Sulu’s got the automatic. Why’s Rich Prophet barking more? I’d rather here Jarjar talk some more. You roll with Data, you’re about to die. Roll with Lando, drink Colt 45! I’m a Sith Lord, Star Destroyer, Bounty Hunter, Jedi Warrior. Your Prime Directive, Ineffective. Futile like the Borg Collective. Crystal clear, concentrated Kill you with Dilithium. Q has got a feud for you, If you want a tiff with him. Break you down and Roll you up and Burn you like a spliff, And then I gift wrap Episode one and two, Because I’m regifting them. Ensign Prophet Went and lost it, Playin’ with his phaser In the closet. Ooh. Your crew. Who’s that with you? Whoopie! The girls from “The View.” This my song. You just a Klingon Makin’ entries in yo’ Captain’s Log. Son, give it up. Just don’t bother. Everyone knows that I’m your father. (Hook.) Trek Wars! Shatner’s king of the stars. I say Geordi, you say Levar. And Picard is hard. Trek Wars! We got Obi and Yoda, Droids and clone souljas! Boy, it’s like I told ya! Trek Wars! Your girl’s beamin’ up Scotty. Call me Rich Prophet, Riker, Number one. You got me? Trek Wars! Wave my hand, and you believe me. Your girls is green and teeny. My girl’s in gold bikinis. Trek Wars! (Outro.) I murdered you, son. You are not my father, J-Man.

(Intro.) Valkyrie needs food badly. Yo, you see that quarter? That means it’s my turn! (Verse 1.) Quarters on the line everytime that I rhyme. You got GameFly, but all the fly game is mine. Earned every achievement, high score, and trophy. Got more game than Madden, and I spit like Yoshi. A boss just like M. Bison. World famous just like Trigun. More levels than an onion. I bring the fight like Tyson. Massive multi-playah. Joystick’s always strong. Been in the game since the game was Pong. Gobblin’ down power pellets. Gettin’ all the cherry. Got more Rupies in my purse Than Link could ever carry. More hunnies in my stable Than Leisure Suit Larry. Puttin’ down challengers. So many that it’s scary. My rapid fire’s chronic. Run rings ‘round you like Sonic. You standin’ in my Fallout. Bioshock: atomic. All my skills are off the chart. My cheatcodes take you apart. Chalkskin makes you regret That you just can’t push reset. Crash you like a bug. Grab your chord and pull your plug. (Verse 2.) I'm SOCOM (so calm) when claim you want war with me. Not the first, not the second, but that version 3. I'm a digitized soldier with a handful of heat. When you say you wanna battle, I just fall asleep. I'm like that old little lady saying, "Where is the Beef?" Your slow control make me wanna come through your screen. You's a playah hatin’ fool the way you fumble that pad. You hoistin’ a joystick with some glue; that’s sad. If you only had the knowledge of that Hooked on Phonics, You can understand the monitor. That "The End" means “Stop it." DROP IT! Don't you even think about a PS3! Make a Call of Duty for Jessica Nigri on that booty. I’m a camouflaged bird that you don't wanna anger, ‘Cause us angry birds'll merge and start makin’ you limber. You's a sinner cause you always read the manual first. Beg forgiveness for your game then die by flame burst. (Hook.) Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? I got game! Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do? War. War never changes. (Verse 3.) Now, I done spent days and days And plays and plays. Pumped quarter after quarter in amazin’ games. Yeah, canceled dates with amazin’ dames To blast one more baddie with my laser brain. I got the spread gun. Go ahead and headhunt. I was killin’ Mother Brain when you were a bed bug. You little newbs can’t beat me. When it’s Battlefield 3 in 3D, you can’t see me. So grab Luigi, and ladies grab your Princess Peach. Get a million gamerscore. Keep controllers in your reach. And get Kinected. The Move get’s rejected. Playstation Network can kiss a piece. Guess which. And you won’t ever best Rich. GTA V, and I still ain’t been arrested. That’s right, you’ll never best Rich. GTA V, and I still ain’t been arrested. (Breakdown.) Yo, man, push pause for a second. Alright, we goin’ there. Gimme that controller. Up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-Select-Start Aw man. *Chalk blows into the NES cartridge.* Finish Him! (Verse 4.) What up? Think I ate too many 1-ups. I’m hearin’ pleople say “Fatality!” And tell ‘em shut-up. I pull up on the roof on my twenty-twelve Charizard. Finalboss is J, and he’s set all the way on hard. I’ll chop you like Highlander. Won’t find you, like Skylander. All supposed witness, really Rainbow 6. Best with the plasma in the Halo fit. When this mako hits, J go 8-bit. Chillin’ in the Barrio. Stealin’ carts with Mario. Wait. Why we stealin’ carts? Holy crap! It’s Wario. Thought he had me, and got smacked quick. Got a date with the Princess, Gotta cop cash quick. Smack a brick. Watch it rain my allowance. Got nine thousand inches endowment. Check the announcement With proper pronouncement. You’re goin’ down unless it’s Chalkskin you’re down with. (Sketch.) Stop it Rich. I’m first player. No, J-Man. No. No. Let me be first player. Give it back. You always say you’re first player. You always get the red guy. No! Gimme! Ahah! Ahah! Hey, it’s my controller! I don’t care that your mom bought this for you. Mom!! (Hook.) Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? I got game! Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? I got game! Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do about it? Whatchu gonna do? (Outro.) Don’t make me get my Power Glove. Target aqcuired. There you are.

(Intro.) Yeah, keep pouring. Keep pouring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hey, pass me that purple stuff. J-Man, Pop'N'Fresh, Chalk, let's get this. Man, he drunk it all. Got mine. Always more at the Circle K. (Verse 1.) I got my purple pants, purple drawers, purple shoes. Pullin' all that purple got me in a purple mood For that purple stuff song, and I'm the perfect dude. I'm a purple people eater, and you rappers is my food. But I felt the diabetes comin' hard like the beat, man. Super saccharin suckro-suckin' sickeningly sweet, and Tell 'em watch my w-w-waistline like a Wheat Thin. Ya'll don't understand me, play this track back on repeat then. Droppin' Grapes of Wrath on you sippin saps! Rainbow flavored Gatoraders. Vitamators, let me educate ya’. Grape drink, first, and you later. Chapelle knows well. I thank him dearly. Chalk grapevine go back to BC. Amoebas suckin' on a purple potion. Then Trilobites swam in a purple ocean. Barney knows it, he's a purplesourous, His blood color ain't no reddish orange. It's grape! A Jug of juice in a giant. That's why kids like him. Don't believe me? Catch a fade By Dino, Flinstone's purple hero. You perfect zeros, calorie freaks, You troglodytes to the purple species. (Hook.) I love that grape drink. I can't get enough. Don't want no Sunny-D. Pass me the purple stuff. Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! I love that grape drink. I can't get enough. Don't want no Sunny-D. Pass me the purple stuff. Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! (Verse 2.) I'm a man with a distinguishing pallet. Fillet Mignon. Vinaigrette salad. Kool-Aid? Yo, I gots paid. I wants Ni-Hi, and I wants Minute Maid. Got Welch's in my belches while I'm watchin' "Grape Ape." A blush of Crush, and I'm in a purple haze. Tippin' back the bubbly in fine glass bottles. Bottoms up, girls! Spray my purple on these models. Great grape drink. Fill it up! If you feel it, raise it up. Put some love in your cup. Ch-Check me out as I guzzle it down. I just saw spots. I'm 'bout to go wild. I stop, run around in my birthday suit. All the girls is like, "That Jay is cute." Got my grape suit. It's on! Da-da-dadda! Its a guy in a thong! Booty says "juicy." Front says "bomb." Just my image sets off the alarm. Breastfed by grapes since I was young. Suck on that straight up, no straw. Sugar, chalk, and purple. (Sugar!) Sugar, chalk, and purple! (Sugar!) All you drink is that grape drink when you up in Chalkskin's circle. Like! (Hook.) I love that grape drink. I can't get enough. Don't want no Sunny-D. Pass me the purple stuff. Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! I love that grape drink. I can't get enough. Don't want no Sunny-D. Pass me the purple stuff. Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! Grape! (Breakdown.) Grape Down!!!! *a melody of sweet praise* (Verse 3.) If you love that grapeness, hollah when we play this, feel us when we say this... Throw up yo' mothergrapin' hands. (Throw up yo' mothergrapin' hands?) And do the grape drink dance. (And do the grape drink dance?) Yeah, yeah. Yo, if you love that purple stuff and you can't get enough, let us know you feelin' us... Throw up yo' mothergrapin' hands. (Throw up yo' mothergrapin' hands?) And do the purple drink dance. (And do the grape drink dance?) (Hook.) We love that grape drink. We can't get enough. Don't want no Sunny-D. Pass me the purple stuff. Chalkskin! You heard of us. Grape drink murderers. Sippin' on that Grimmace. Dippin' like some Hamburglars. We love that grape drink. We can't get enough. Don't want no Sunny-D. Pass me the purple stuff. Yeah, Chalkskin! You heard of us. Grape drink murderers. Sippin' on that Grimmace. Dippin' like some Hamburglars. (Outro.) Yo, we got some shout-outs to be given out. What's up, carbonated water? Look at you, all bubbly-wobbly. Yeah, we got that sticky-icky-icky high fructose corn syrup givin' me that sugar rush. Huhuhuh. Sodium benzoate always up to no good. Yeah, we feelin' them flavor twins, artificial and natural. Yo, one last shout-out. Red number 30, blue number 1, much love, peace, and harmony. Chalkskin. We out. Purple stuff.

ANNOUNCER #1 In a financial conundrum? Need cash in a flash? Call Chalkskin’s PayDay Advance now! DAMSEL I was behind on my mortgage payments, and I needed money fast. I didn’t know what to do before I called Chalkskin’s PayDay Advance! Now I’m all caught up, and my landlord has stopped tying me to railroad tracks. ANNOUNCER #1 After all, it’s your money! Don’t you want it now? YUPPY I run a Fortune 500 company, and I make a pretty decent wage, but with gas prices the way they are these days, even I sometimes need a little help to put some gas in my tank. Thanks to Chalkskin’s PayDay Advance, I was able to put two whole gallons into my S.U.V! God bless America! ANNOUNCER #1 When you’re needy, Chalkskin’s speedy! HAYSEED My bank gouged me with severe overdraft penalties for going over by just three dollars. Thanks to Chalkskin’s PayDay Advance, I was able to stockpile enough ammunition to make sure those stuffed suits pay! ANNOUNCER #1 Call 1-800-CHALKSKIN now, because you can’t put a price tag on peace of mind. LEGAL PayDay Loan availability, rates, and amounts vary by state. To apply for a PayDay Loan, you must be at least eighteen years of age, have a valid e-mail address, and willing to conscribe into indentured servitude for an extended amount of time. Active members of the Armed Forces and their dependents do not qualify for PayDay Loans. Why not? We’re not too sure. PayDay Loans approved after five PM Central Time will be funded on the next day, except on the case of weekends, bank holidays, and any day ending in “y.” In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device. If you are unable to pay your fees, we will be entitled to your first born child until you can guess my name. ANNOUNCER #1 Can’t wait ‘til Friday? Make today PayDay! ANNOUNCER #2 Chalkskin’s PayDay Advance. Call 1-800-CHALKSKIN now. D.J. POP’N’FRESH Pop’N’Fresh approved!